in-progress Dawn of Boy excerpt

I’ve written about three pieces in this vein, I’m still trying to decide my thoughts on my relationship to time, time blindness, missing people, and how that influences all aspects of my life. Normally I don’t really share pieces that are in process but I feel like I want to share this as a way to pin down what I’m really trying to say. This is apart of the bigger body of work for Dawn of Boy. it may get culled, it may morph and develop, who knows lol. I definitely don’t consider it finished or good by any stretch of the imaginations but I do think there are some elements of it that are touching on what I’m attempting to dig out and examine. As a prize there are some shots of the baby from our trip to anchorage in June. It was my trip home that really got me thinking about all of this. So for the last month I’ve been attempting to process. So anyways, lol.

In the year since you’ve been born I’ve gained awareness of this strange ability I’ve had to pause the once inevitable passage of time. If I don’t see someone, or talk to someone there isn’t a measured distance to me. They are simply “paused” -something I have always referred to it as, but never recognized- if I haven’t seen a loved one in a year, or gotten lunch with a friend in three months, when we see each other again it really feels to me as if no time has passed.

I thought that was the mark of true friendship, or true love. But it is a dysfunction in perception, a warped reality. Missing someone is sad, a painful offense and sometimes when someone makes you miss them, it’s unforgivable.

Everyone in my life is perpetually how I left them- or so I thought. Everyday, you change and grow faster than my object permanence can keep up. I can’t freeze you in my minds eye because the you of yesterday is miles behind the you of today, of right now, of tonight. You were not as I left you, in your crib sleeping soundly the evening before. I find you this morning, talking and bigger and brighter and faster. In the time I set you on the floor, strode across the house to fetch your milk and back you’ve updated into six improved versions of yourself(bug fixes) and I’m beginning to grasp that time for most, (maybe even myself) is not infinite or pause-able.

So how do I reconcile this? How do I be a better friend, a better family member, more sensitive to the limited ticking sands? How do I keep you as you are right now, but honor you of the future, and what you are actively becoming? Is it possible that some are tasked with holding the constant, holding space? Can it also be possible that I myself cannot face how quickly it all goes, that distance physical and of the heart is so painful that I retreat within my head in some sort of self preservation, some sort of delusion so nothing changes?

Even if it’s been awhile, you’ll see it’s never been long with me.  Is this blissful state of mind keeping me from greater depth, greater understanding, deeper chasms?


Friday, May 17th 2024

There is this hollowness inside of me that I’m not sure how to reconcile. It’s a separation from what’s happening to everyone else -and what isn’t- for me. Mostly there is a fondness I have for my isolation. I am living. My own way, my own speed. Yet, every few weeks I hop back on social media for a moment to check a businesses hours, or to look at a friend’s photos and uncomfortable notions sink in my gut. The longer intervals I go between these checks, the stranger and stranger they feel when I log back in.

That’s when the othering of myself begins. Suddenly, it’s as if all the living I’ve been doing wasn’t real. It didn’t exist. I’ve just been on pause. Why? Why does it feel like that, and why does it make me sick to my stomach?

Is this just the way things are now, and maybe really it is normal and it is okay to be tethered online? I just simply cannot believe that.

Lately when I think and when I write, I’m filled with more questions than ever. The world feels like an endless pitch upward at the end of a sentence, and everywhere I want to end with a period, seemingly of its own volition becomes a question mark.

Quite frankly, I’m so tired of writing about this. Even more honest still, I’m scared of it. Whatever these answers I’m seeking, this void I’m filling with more queries, the more detached and unsure everything seems.

Is this the precipice of madness? (Ahh there it is) like a neglected door, screws loose, on the verge of unhinging?

My father in laws pool has to be pumped out, the liner replaced. So it sits, unusable by us. You know, it’s never been so beautiful to me. I’ve never seen so many shades and depths of chartreuse, with tiny tadpoles braving the steps. Frogs swimming about lazily. Bloated toads who couldn’t make it out. I reached in (gross) and pulled out as many live and struggling toads as I could. Who all promptly jumped right back in. Maybe they all wanted to die, actually. Maybe I was inhibiting their efforts. This is something I tell myself when birds swoop in front of me on the road. Or when a squirrel makes what seems like a concerted effort to actually get hit. There is only so much language we actually understand. Unfortunately, we’ve lost our grasp on the more primal means of communications, of feelings. Which as unnerving as they can be, did serve a purpose albeit out of fashion or leftover generic imprinting.

So what are these feelings serving me? The pitted warning feeling of being somewhere you don’t belong? This desire to stay out? Are we all toads? Destined to float bloated and rotting in my father in laws pool..??? (Joke) maybe everyone else is the frog, who laid eggs, whose children are born adapted. Maybe I’m the toad who jumped out using the floating, bloated and rotting body of a friend or passerby. Maybe I’m grandstanding to frogs, when I should be screaming to the toads. Maybe I should take a few Zofran, edit this piece and learn to trust my instincts again.

????? Or, Lost in the Sauce

We’ve let our property turn into a proper jungle. Completely overgrown and neglected. We’ve slowly been chipping away at reclamation. There were a few rose bushes planted in the side yard. Unsurprisingly, invasive ‘whatevers’ effectively choked them out, and they did not produce blooms well. Within two weeks of freeing them all four bushes have exploded with blooms, spreading out wide and without shame.

Interesting that even a rose is susceptible to being overshadowed. What does it mean? Does pretty not survive, or have staying power? What about the thorns? Say what then of the weeds? Do we underestimate the plain? Why do we balance between prizing fragility and then also hating or resenting it?  Perhaps we all just in the wrong environments for what we are. Or maybe exactly in the right ones. Is this about grit, about depth, about perseverance? Does it speak on colonialism, protecting the beautiful or what isn’t necessarily ours?

Is it darker even, like how nature doesn’t care about your house. Your job. Your ideas of what’s beautiful or not. If it is beautiful it just happens to be, existing as a function. It only cares about survival. Choking out the weak is what it does best. Shall I be the rose? Or the unknown growth with roots entangling brick and foundation, willing it to give.

Gently whispering, enticing to come back to the dirt with the rest of them.

Feral

I’m feeling more feral than female, and beginning to understand why trapped animals gnaw off a leg, why frothing jaws snap. Some days the idea of clawing off my own skin seems just as good as someone else stuck under my nails. What will I do with the raw, the vulnerable? Can I take care to not cut myself on my own edges? What a spectacle I’ve become, walking around bleeding on everyone. Spitting and crazed. It’s laughable, how I once felt so free. That freedom still too refined compared to this now. The wildness, the hardiness, a savage resilience that comes in waves, tucked in the wrappings of sleep deprivation and overload of touch is its own type of Liberty. One that embarrasses in its uncouth behavior, and doesn’t even care. My dignity was stripped un-compassionately. It was ripped quite literally, I was flayed, I was drugged, I was shaking, I was reduced to a body in a bed. A specimen. Something to learn from. So now I find myself, this crazed thing. Stalking about in the wilderness of my mind. Left alone, unbothered. Whelping in the dirt. Feral. Snarling. Free.

under the Covers

One of the most self declared annoying things about me is that I have been “writing a book” since I was 17. I have started and stopped countless projects, it’s never been the vision that’s lacked, but the discipline. So many of them were almost completed, or could have been set forth into the world as is but I got distracted, disenchanted or frankly disengaged with what I was writing about. It aggravates me to no end that I have operated in this way, and said over and over for years ‘I’m writing a book I’m writing a book’ (please imagine me saying this in a mocking tone, with a mocking voice)

Often, I find myself fighting against writing what I feel like has already been said, ad nauseum - which by the way I recognize as a completely self sabotaging mindset. But finally, one day post-partum in the wee unholy waking hours I finally decided that the most cliché, over written about subject off allll -NEWBORN MOTHERHOOD- would need my two cents. A 2023-24 perspective about bucking the system, the groups, the books, the what you should and shouldn’t do, ect etc etc etc.

I found an app and a somewhat disciplined way of tackling this collection of essays, It’s called Wersmith for anyone curious. Needless to say this might be the one and only book I ever actually complete, and holy batman shit am I excited about it.

In honor of DAWN OF BOY I wanted to share two past covers of projects I never finished that I love dearly still, along with a test I did of DOB’s cover.

I’ve always loved how covers happen, the magical feeling they invoke when they just feel… right. There’s one project I didn’t have a cover for called Depth of Frames that I’d like to mention just for the fact that I clearly have a thing for the letter D. Date + Time, Depth of Frames, and now Dawn of Boy.

Man, clearly I’m not lacking in vision haha. Just execution.. or completion maybe. But I’m not sure that is even the problem. There was a whole year I churned out DRCP mags completely on my own. and I mean chuuurrrnnned. I know organization has always been a struggle for me, and feeling overwhelmed by all the details. With this project I have maintained a -write first, edit later- mentality though, just keeping everything together with the hope that when its all there I will: 1.Have more than enough to cull through. 2. Have someone else expertly organize the pieces in a way that is excellent. and 3. Have the confidence that what I’m saying is worth reading.

I’m a little over halfway through my wordcount goal. I’m trying to make sure I have double of what I need so that the culling process doesn’t leave it completely naked. Part of me feels like sharing this is potentially condemning, but I’m really trying to break those old patterns. So CHEERS!

The big one.

How did something so fun, initially so benign become so bad? You know, I really do feel alone in that to be honest. Maybe not so much in recognizing the effects but alone in actually stopping. 

A lot of people my age (30s now) started out on MySpace, which was incredible. I learned HTML that I still use to some degree today. Then Facebook. Then Instagram. Tumblr. I never had snap chat, but I did my tours on Twitter, now X. There are countless others. 

I think it’s redundant to sit here and explain what the initial wholesome purpose of these platforms were(are, was, is?!?)  We all know. 

But there are two peaks, two changes that I feel dramatically have change WHAT the apps are and what they’ve done to us. And no, it’s not the algorithm but of course that plays a part. 

The introduction of the endless scroll. In 2011, Facebook started using it. At that time posts were chronological, so it wasn’t of much consequence. In 2016, Instagram followed suit. 2020 saw the introduction of Reels to Instagram, perfectly timed with Covid. And 2021-2022 on facebook. 

I know personally this is when I started feeling very disconnected in a world that was supposed to be more connected then ever. 

Reels really are a work of art. The creativity people are displaying, all the power right in their fingertips.. it was incredibly impressive and inspiring. For awhile. 

Many will take this declaration, this swearing off socials as an inability to keep up, or an inability to stay relevant. And you know what, they’re fucking right. I couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t make what they’re making. I frankly don’t want to. Ya’ll can have it aalll of it. The more comfortable I have become with that, simultaneously the more disconnected and disillusioned I became. I didn’t want to make that stuff. I just wanted to make art, share it and find new art and artists. But the content being created was being created specifically for the platform, where as before whatever you created could also live outside of that. Reels are like a caricature of art, products, content, life. They fucking DOMinate. Pair that with an endless scroll and now you’re looking at a 7-8hour screen time recap every Sunday afternoon. At least that was the case for me. 

A combination of many things, including the stated above caused me to really withdrawal from. In September 2022 I got pregnant. I realized that I didn’t grow up watching my parents, watch their phones.

This feels so crazy to say but what was life like when in any spare moment you actually just sat there instead of pulling out your phone? Think about it. Waiting rooms. Stop lights. Sitting on the couch. Spare moments. Pull that fucker out for a quick scroll. It’s INSANE! It’s CRAZY!!! I didn’t want to live like that anymore. It’s the most normalized addiction I have ever seen. And EVERYONE is addicted. Don’t fucking act like you aren’t. Yes. Even YOU. Please yes tell me that you can resist checking, scrolling.. peeping for two hours? Being totally busy with something else doesn’t count. Can you, in your complete free time, resist the siren call of that blue light?

I had been low key trying to prepare for a social media death for awhile. I made an alias account to run all my business stuff from a long time ago. I would take breaks. But always came back. I really still loved sharing my words, images. It always and still fun in that aspect but I just couldn’t keep away from consuming it. 

The early days of having a newborn-7month old was hard. In the middle of the night to stay awake when you’re feeding, sometimes the easiest thing was to scroll. Particularly all the toxic mom groups because who else would be up during the ungodlily times doing what you’re doing helping you feel not so alone, or singular in those shaky waking hours. (ahh yes, the false sense of community) I started doing digital books instead, and slowly spent less and less time. Still lots of up and downs, Relapses really as I weaned myself off.

And then it finally happened. I worked so hard for it.

I wish I could say that it was this complete and miraculous ‘‘everything is amazing and better instantly’ kind of feeling but it’s not. Yet, everything feels… way more normal. Of course, I am disconnected from the going on and happenings with my friends. I know it’s annoying for them to have to be like “well I know you didn’t see this so here’s what happened” This is a small price to pay for me, higher for said friends. But I do feel lighter. More clear. This is not a popular choice, I am distancing myself socially from the norm. I am dissenting. I am refusing to participate. And life will look a little different for me, for the foreseeable future. 

The crazy thing is, I still want to write, and photograph and create and share. But I don’t want to be stuck in the matrix of social media. So this is my ultimate solution(the anti social media blog.. lollssss). And it works for me. My art lives somewhere, but I’m not competing. I’m not feeling the need to make or to keep up or like well it doesn’t matter what I do or make bc someone else already did it this way. But more importantly, I’m not wasting time. I’m not scrolling. I’m not consuming the Telemundo soap opera marathon of people I’m friends with on Facebooks lives. Their INTIMATE lives.

It feels fucking good to not want to check. To not feel like I have to fill seconds with a scroll. I have issues with disassociation, and I feel like Facebook and Instagram really exasperated that problem for me. 

Healing from burnout definitely plays a part in this, but I feel excited to create again. I make something, write something. I post it, and then I’m gone till it’s time to do it again all from my computer rather than a cellphone.

Again, it’s not some miracle cure where I feel like a super hero. I just feel clear. Many others probably do not feel like social media is an issue and are ok with being on it 24/7 but when I look around and that’s all I see anywhere I go. Adults, kids, every race, every demographic. It just pushes me further and further from it. It makes me feel physically ill when I think about what a hold it has. What power it has. 

Hot Take: Guess what. Not everyone needs to know everything about your life all the fucking time. I sound like a boomer but ya know they’re kind of right about some thing(s) The internet has become this open source diary and town hall for everyone. This can be cathartic, help share information in an easily accessible way, be a creative outlet, etc etc but. The longer I’m here the more I feel like, not everyone should have a “platform”. Not everyone deserves one. I honestly believe it’s not healthy to know SO much about people I don’t know very well in real life. DEEPLY intimate, painful and even joyful things being shared via the internet is a flat and very impersonal way to share anything. There are people I don’t speak to IRL but was a witness to their marrages, divorces, IVF journeys, births, deaths, drug relapses, spiritual revalations and on and on and on. It’s unsentimental and in fact, desensitizing. I think there is something to shutting up, taking shit on the chin and getting a goddamn grip. We’ve got to learn how to solider on again. Not telling everyone everything all the time. Everyone has spilled their guts in the name of “transparency” “this is real life” and it’s so fucking tired. We are all commodifying our lives even if we aren’t getting paid for it and it’s really actually insane. This is coming from someone who literally did that. It’s crazy, you guys it’s absolutely crazy. 

There is so much more to talk about, in this subject. influencers, motherhood, sharing your children on social media, the impact on body image, and on and on and on. I wish I could fit it all in clearly to this, and maybe those are each essays for another time.

I realize that my thoughts, feelings and subsequent actions in this matter have alienated me from virtually everyone I know. This is radical, this is dissonance, this is a departure from~ just the way things are now~. The irony of sharing this at all is not lost on me, in fact it almost makes me sick to do. I’m not entirely sure my reasoning why.. maybe one last hit? One last ring of validation? Only I can answer that for myself, in time. 

taking a breath w/ bri

wooooooSAHHHHH

This week Bri asked me to stop by her shop Dark Ornaments Tattoo and talk about concepts for my other sleeve we're starting in a few weeks. While I was there, we did a quick little mini shoot out back. Baby in the stroller watching lol. But it felt so good to do these. I love super simple portraits, the wind whipped through right at the perfect time too and added a level of ambiance that really helped make them what they are. It had been a pretty difficult day leading up to this. The baby is getting his third tooth, and there had been several pretty bad and uncharacteristic tantrums all day (and all week really) I was feeling disconnected and shut down. I felt like I had no control. This little session was such a mood booster for me. I really do love creating. Bri and I have plans for a lot of fun editorial style stuff over the next few months and that's super exciting, its nice to have things like that to look forward to.

2024 update

2021-2023 was weird to say the least.

Main points: I quit a very big job and opened up a lingerie store in my town. We finally got married. All creative work (films, writing, photography) came to a screeching halt. I had a baby. I closed the store. For the last 10 months I’ve slowly been cutting social media out of my life.

That last part. Woof. Trying to wrap my mind around what creating was going to look like again WITHOUT utilizing social media was difficult. I’ve been wanting to do this for quite some time, but having a baby made it feel… like an addiction that desperately needed to be beat. Instagram, Facebook didn’t bring me joy like they once did. Even saying that feels crazy. These things that aren’t tangible or real.. had such a hold on me for a long time. I LOVED sharing my work, photos, writing, films.. it felt amazing. I think the introduction of stories and reels is what inevitably killed it for me in retrospect. Instead of going out and working on my own stuff due to extreme burnout I was just doom scroll consuming, feeling like “what even is the point for me anymore” so little by little I’ve been chipping away at it. At letting go, figuring out what I was going to do to share my work in a way that felt fulfilling. I’m still working on that, but renewing the DRCP website and getting everything updated was a huge start.

Everything slowed down for me a lot when I had Allen. It had to. I’m still not 100% down with sitting in stillness, but I’m learning.

I’m less than 6k words away from my goal on a book I’m working on. I feel a lot more at peace in general.

In March I got to reconnect with SO many people who I loved working with in the past. And want to work with again. I’m hoping to work in some shoots the next few weeks.

I want to do films again BADLY. But have to figure out how I can do them in my current circumstances.

Anyways, this isn’t completely coherent or well written. But I just wanted to get it out there for myself. The first step back in the direction I want to go.

I have some projects I’ll be sharing here that I did in 2022-23 that I never did anything with. And I’ll be posting updates on my book via this blog as well.

This was weird, and clunky. But I’m happy to be back in some form.

Cheers,

December

Travels in Technicolor: A Review

First things first, click HERE to get your own copy.

Happy Monday friends!! I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving with friends, family and loved ones. Grier and I had a wonderful holiday, we just got in last night from spending about five days in Louisiana.

It’s never fun to leave family after a great vacation, BUT I was really excited to get home and pour over my copy of Miranda’s first magazine.

Miranda is a photographer, I met her through one of my high school best friends Taylor. We always chatted back and forth on social media, but this summer she was able to come and stay with us on her road trip across the US! We really connected and I have a huge respect for her and her body of work.

How gorgeous is this cover????

How gorgeous is this cover????

A few weeks ago she announced she was going to release a collection of her work titled Travels in Technicolor: Hawaii. As soon as it was released I ordered my copy. I grew up spending summers there, Hawaii is a huge part of my life not only as a travel destination but a place that ingrained itself into my history and culture the culture of my family. My sister took her first steps there, we were both baptized in our favorite lagoon in Ko Olina (before Disney took it all over…) and hours were spent walking up and down the aisles at the Cam.

From page one, with her images and blurbs about her time there my heart was instantly warmed and filled with the joy that only Aloha can bring. Miranda’s images have a photojournalist feel, but with color and composition that make you feel like you’re looking at a brochure for heaven.

One of my favorite sets of images from Travels in Technicolor: Hawaii

One of my favorite sets of images from Travels in Technicolor: Hawaii

Miranda is a skilled and hungry creator. A fierce documenter, she leaves no detail unrecorded. Just watching her social media you get a sense that travel is in her heart and soul, just as photography is. Matching those two elements together is a beautiful and powerful thing.

Through her storytelling, you get a glimpse into such a romantic bohemian lifestyle that for many is out of reach. Travels in Technicolor gives its reader is all the wonder of National Geographic but with an incredible tangible, personal touch. Whether you’ve spent time on the Islands, or have always wanted to go, this issue will take you there. Getting to read it and see it laid out in such a gorgeous way has me hungry for her next Travels in Technicolor issue.

http://www.mirandaricophotography.com https://m.facebook.com/MirandaRicoPhotography/ @mirandaricophotography

Absolute magic

Absolute magic

big moods // big thanks.

As this year comes to a close, I can’t help but feel indebted to the universe. This January will mark 7 years living in Tennessee. I remember the first 4, 5.. let’s be real 6- were so hard for me. I struggled to make the art I really wanted to make. Getting people to take me seriously was even harder (still feels hard sometimes) but I remember in 2015 I made a vow to myself. I was going to make exactly what I felt called to, and I wasn’t going to care how hard I had to fight to do it.

That kind of proclamation to myself was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Growing up, and living back home I never had to fight to be who I was. I was a misfit and an outcast but that was me. I never cared what anyone thought about who I was… Or my rain boots.

Moving away changed that. I tried new things, branched out in an attempt to connect. I was incredibly lonely. I fought the dark times hard.

Finally, I stopped trying to connect with people who didn’t understand me and didn’t care to. I started really creating the images I wanted, the ones that haunted my dreams during the night and the day. I clawed my way out of the hole I had buried myself in. I took the time to hone my craft on a technical level. I wanted to learn light so I could make exactly what I envisioned. I never stopped working.

2018 came full circle. The people that found me, and continue to find me (and want to work with me -massive bonus) are MY people. I’m pushing boundaries, I’m challenging all things. I feel that I am honoring my true self when I create in this way.

But there is this heaviness, this debt that I feel. These people that I have in my life, how can I ever show how grateful I am for their existence? How all the sadness and loneliness those first 5 years seems so distant, and mythical. I wish I could tell myself in those times how temporary it would be.

This weekend was amazing, and I really am thankful for all the opportunities that have been coming my way. Saturday was one of those gigs that I got to prove what I’m capable of. Someone took a chance and trusted me fully. The results are easily my favorite studio work to date. -Gallery Here-

The images from Sunday, I’ve had planned on paper for months. Being able to see this vision come to fruition is a high I’ll be on all week. I’ll be sharing those later today and some insight into the session.

To be able to connect with the people I photograph on multiple levels adds another dimension to the imagery that I can make. I’m so lucky I’ve been able to attract people who maybe don’t see everything exactly like I do, appreciate how I look at the world and the art that I make. It takes two to tango, and lately man, my dance floor has been full and poppin’.

big moods//big thanks.

public.jpeg

Mid week recap

What a gorgeous morning it’s been at Penny Hollow. I’ve been able to catch my breath today and get caught up on all the fun stuff (CHORES!!!) and am taking a minute to get a little bloggin’ in. This won’t post until tomorrow, so hello from the past.

The coolest thing that’s been going on behind the scenes for me (still in the early stages of planning) is being able to assist with a music video. It’s something I’ve been wanting to get into for awhile now. If you knew me in high school you know that I was churning out videos/short films on the regular but stopped to dive all in to photography. I’ve always loved film and especially music videos so to have the opportunity to get into it again on a larger scale has me STOKED.

Right now I’m just helping out in anyway that I can, but I really am manifesting this to turn into something regular. I don’t have a huge interest in manning the camera, but just being involved in logistics and eventually concept creation and color story is a big goal of mine.

We had a little meeting about it Monday and my gears have been turning ever since. Even if it ends up just me helping on set day of, I’ll be over the moon.

All personal concept work has taken the back burner the last few weeks, which is okay. I’ve been getting more client work which is exciting. Just wrapped up and delivered final images for a styled shoot myself and Morgan did for The Hickory House. It’s a great little AirBnB in Jackson, going to be sharing images from that later on this week. It’s super fulfilling for me to be able to capture someone else’s vision, especially when it’s business related.

This weekend I’m cramming as many shoots in as I can before Grier and I go out of town for Thanksgiving in Louisiana. I am really looking forward to these shoots and can’t wait to share the images we get.

I haven’t done a set for Date + Time in a few weeks, but I plan on getting the next round of concepts finalized and the shoots scheduled as soon as I get back from Thanksgiving. Next week I’ll share sketches of what the next few shoots will look like!

In personal news… not this coming weekend but next, (right when we get back from Louisiana) Miranda is coming to stay with me and it’s going to do engagement photos of Grier and I. Her work is incredible, and I am BEYOND stoked to have her do these. She also has her first publication out, here’s the link where you can snag yours!!! https://www.blurb.com/b/9753800-travels-in-technicolor-hawaii

I’ve chosen primary colors for our outfits/accessories and I think I’ve also decided on that for my wedding colors as well. Of course you can expect a big ole post about those when we’re done!

It’s been cathartic to catch up and organize my thoughts here. I mentioned on the last post that I had some things in the works related to the blog and I’m hoping to have that launched and ready to go end of December.

Xoxox darklings, till next time.

Little portrait (THANK YOU MADYSON!!!!!!) from the wedding this last weekend

Little portrait (THANK YOU MADYSON!!!!!!) from the wedding this last weekend

Sense of Direction

It's been about a month or so since I've checked in via blog post. Truth be told, I really want it to be a regular thing but I was feeling a little lost when it came to what I want this particular blog to look like. I'm a tumblr vet, back in those days my tumblr held my deepest darkest secrets. It was a real diary, a real peek into my ever changing moods.. who I was in love with, who I was mad at. Honest reflections and recants of my depression, my hopes, my unrequited love. But as I learned to channel the sadness and the hormones of being 16, 17, 18, I felt less like I needed a place to bear it all. The drama and tumultuous emotions didn't have to live in a hidden place anymore.

I still maintain somewhat of a diary, random note pads and papers scrawled with half baked emotions from the moment (coping mechanism!!) but they mostly reveal lists, plans, dreams and manifestations now.

This season though, is bringing lots of transitions and growth. Thus resulting in growing pains. My life revolves around my work and projects. I believe that using this space to document my process and feelings would help me maintain clarity (I am always striving for clarity) and bring back the personal element to my work that I have shut off for awhile.

My presence on social media lately has been strictly business. Frankly, I miss being a little more emotionally vested in it. Often I let my work do the talking and don't share too much of my personal meaning and reasoning for everything that I do. This is for protection mostly, and to avoid having to explain myself to people who really aren't there to understand. That being said, I think avoiding to disclose those things is denying people another layer to my work.

I believe in what I have to say, and I know it is beneficial to others who maybe haven't found their voice or are trying to decide what is sounds like. At the end of the day I feel strongly about what I create and how I do it and I want to share more of how everything comes together. This blog will start reflecting that, and 2020 will bring some other surprises as well.

Date + Time my first book that will be released next year has taken the forefront of my mind. While I’m not ready to share the images or writings from the sets that have been completed, I want a way to document the process of something so significant to me. I plan on using this platform to keep everyone up to date on the process/progress of this project, but the other ventures that are currently in the works as well.

To each and everyone of you who have supported me on this journey, I am eternally grateful. whatever venture I have embarked on I've always had an amazing group of people in the wings cheering me on, commenting, sharing and pushing me forward. I feel very lucky to have that and plan for a lifetime of creating content for myself and those who love what I do.

Cheers Darklings!

Here’s some behind the scenes snippets for my book, Date + Time , Grier helping me play around with my new projector and a little selfie from the last wedding I did with Samantha and Madyson.

Shoot the Shit! Halloween Edition

One of my many side projects/passions is Create & Collaborate: The Workshop. It is a workshop and styled shoot series that is the brain child of myself, Samantha Slayton and Morgan Carkuff. We strive to bring education and inspire creativity in our little area of the world. Not going to lie, this Halloween styled shoot was a lot to coordinate, but that’s because we really wanted this to be incredible. None of this would have been possible one without each other and two, without the wonderful models and makeup artists we brought on.

I really love the days following one of our classes or shoots because all of our attendees start sharing and posting their favorite shots. Photography is my life, and getting to share this passion and giving others an opportunity to try something new really makes me burst with happiness. Most everyone who attended this shoot has been attending them since we started. Getting to see the progression of their work and watching them take the reins confidently has been so fulfilling. I truly hope that I am always able to share my love and knowledge of this world with others.

Vendor List:

Models: Katie Clark | Brent Autry | Anastasia Brown | Whitney Reed | Sara Jo Couch
Styling: Eclectic Mo's | Morgan Walker Carkuff
Makeup: Lindsey Hinson | Savannah King
Florals/Pumpkins: The Cotton Belle | Green Acres Farm
Dress: Goodwill Industries International, Inc.
Jewelry: Little's Jewelers

Thrifted Halloween Costume Collaboration with Eclectic Mo's

I partnered up with Morgan of Eclectic Mo’s (and Sonder Finery, AND Hemp & Mortar.. talk about boss lady) for a thrifted Halloween costume project. We share a love of vintage clothing as well as an obsession with Wes Anderson visuals. When I approached Morgan about putting together a couples costume from Moonrise Kingdom I was met with lots of enthusiasm. Morgan does the styling for some of my bigger projects and all of our classes, workshops and styled shoots we put on as Create & Collaborate. She’s an absolute wiz at this, so I asked her a couple questions about what she does and why she loves it.

Costume Breakdown

Suzy -Every item was found at goodwill at different times minus the collar which was made from 2.99 felt fabric from hobby lobby with the 40% coupon. The red beret was something Morgan took from her Sonder Finery stock.

Sam - Shoes and shorts were taken from personal closet, and everything else was from city thrift. The patches we ordered online & the hat was a neighbors from childhood. 

Cost was under $30 for all

D: Where do you start on a project/assignment like this?

M: When doing a conceptual or themed shoot I usually start by brainstorming and writing down key components that I will need to piece together the look. Since this was a very specific look I did research on what the characters wore and thought how could I add a little Eclectic Mo twist to it? however subtle, that's where the polka dot's come to play!


D: What are your favorite places to hunt/thrift?

M: Where - usually goodwill or city thrift but there are a few sweet spots in different cities I go to as well. But auctions are my favorite if I'm buying in bulk.


D: what is the best part of putting together a thrifted costume vs buying one?


M: Gosh this is tough. I'm not sure I narrow down what my favorite is but I'll tell you in general why I think it's the best. First, piecing together a thrifted costume is SO better for the environment. Apart from that when you thrift something themed it broadens your creativity, paves the way to create something completely unique with your interpretation of the theme. Thrifting costumes is also so much better on your pocket book. ..and who doesn't love thrifting?

D: What is the most challenging aspect of these projects?

M: When they are so specific it can be hard to find exactly what you're looking for. It takes patience & sometimes compromise.


D: Do you have any tips for others in their journey to the perfect thrifted costume?


M: Be patient with finding the perfect pieces. Keep your mind open to the ways you can put your creative touch in every detail!