As this year comes to a close, I can’t help but feel indebted to the universe. This January will mark 7 years living in Tennessee. I remember the first 4, 5.. let’s be real 6- were so hard for me. I struggled to make the art I really wanted to make. Getting people to take me seriously was even harder (still feels hard sometimes) but I remember in 2015 I made a vow to myself. I was going to make exactly what I felt called to, and I wasn’t going to care how hard I had to fight to do it.
That kind of proclamation to myself was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Growing up, and living back home I never had to fight to be who I was. I was a misfit and an outcast but that was me. I never cared what anyone thought about who I was… Or my rain boots.
Moving away changed that. I tried new things, branched out in an attempt to connect. I was incredibly lonely. I fought the dark times hard.
Finally, I stopped trying to connect with people who didn’t understand me and didn’t care to. I started really creating the images I wanted, the ones that haunted my dreams during the night and the day. I clawed my way out of the hole I had buried myself in. I took the time to hone my craft on a technical level. I wanted to learn light so I could make exactly what I envisioned. I never stopped working.
2018 came full circle. The people that found me, and continue to find me (and want to work with me -massive bonus) are MY people. I’m pushing boundaries, I’m challenging all things. I feel that I am honoring my true self when I create in this way.
But there is this heaviness, this debt that I feel. These people that I have in my life, how can I ever show how grateful I am for their existence? How all the sadness and loneliness those first 5 years seems so distant, and mythical. I wish I could tell myself in those times how temporary it would be.
This weekend was amazing, and I really am thankful for all the opportunities that have been coming my way. Saturday was one of those gigs that I got to prove what I’m capable of. Someone took a chance and trusted me fully. The results are easily my favorite studio work to date. -Gallery Here-
The images from Sunday, I’ve had planned on paper for months. Being able to see this vision come to fruition is a high I’ll be on all week. I’ll be sharing those later today and some insight into the session.
To be able to connect with the people I photograph on multiple levels adds another dimension to the imagery that I can make. I’m so lucky I’ve been able to attract people who maybe don’t see everything exactly like I do, appreciate how I look at the world and the art that I make. It takes two to tango, and lately man, my dance floor has been full and poppin’.
big moods//big thanks.
